Loving people

Metaphor of the 2 types of people hearts, whether they love or not

The majority likes having a family, friends, people around them that make them feel loved and lovers. They base their moral in love, they depend on how people does, how they feel, if they get hurt they will probably suffer too; and if someone who you appreciate does something that hurts you, this feeling of love that you had before will do this person acts worse, you will feel betrayed, and some other things that I cannot express with words.

Where want I to go? Well, I have thought about it a lot of time, and I can say that I am not sure if I want people around me that I love and I don't want also people that love me. What I want to say is that I don't want to love people and feel loved. How have I arrived here?  I don't like hurting people if they don't deserve it, I am no-one to judge people, but I cannot deny that I do it in my mind all the time.

If I don't love I won't depend on anybody's love. If I don't love I cannot hurt emotionally anybody. And if I am not loved people will not depend on me, so again, I cannot hurt them.

Is that a selfish behaviour? I am not sure about that, maybe if you start it having people love you and also having people you love it will be difficult, you may think that is for their safety, it could be, but remember they are losing a friend/partner/family member too. Another way of understanding this is focusing more on yourself, you do it for you, it's your own choice; you will not be hurt anymore, and you will not hurt. I relate this behaviour with a way of thinking of hapiness and pain. I will talk about it at the following publication.

So can somebody without loving and being loved in order to prevent pain? Maybe I will try, I think I am doing some firsts steps without knowing it.