Self-esteem

Grey man's self-esttem

How can the grey man feel nothing? At least he needs to have a little bit to self-esteem to create al this lifestyle to protect himself from the others, isn't it? Not exactly.

The grey man can not feel love, so he has not self-esteem; the most reasonable thing that a person has zero self-esteem  would have is a deep depression, or even he would suicide. 

 But depression makes the grey man feel bad, so he does not have depression; and suiciding would be an obstacle for all his goals, so he will suicide. 

So how ca he live? He feels himself as a third person, maybe as a machine; it is really difficult to exaplain and I do not know how to do it, it is like a different view of people and life that has no name yet.